Not since the twin towers were leveled has there been such carnage on American soil. A Zamboni of Mass Destruction went on a rampage at the Boston Winter Skating Rink sending skaters fleeing for their lives.
Ambulance sirens wailed as the dead and injured were hauled from the rubble. Crushed walls were visible from the street but we could see no sign of any BOMB CRATERS. Damages will probably range in the Billions.
Christmas has been canceled until further notice.