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06/12/2007 01:17 AM ID: 62984 Permalink   

Butts Steals Toilet Paper, Faces Prison


Workers at the Marshall County Courthouse in Iowa had been noticing the faster than usual disappearance of toilet paper. Suzanne Marie Butts was caught red-handed when an employee saw her taking three rolls of two-ply from a storage closet.

Butts faces up to three years in prison for robbing the courthouse. To add insult to injury, the police chief was not able to discuss the charges with the media without laughing.

Butts has prior theft convictions, which is why she faces such a steep sentence. The police chief didn't know why she was stealing TP from the courthouse, but added that she does not work there.

    WebReporter: awhompbamboom Show Calling Card      
ASSESS this news: BLOCK this news. Reason:
  I couldn't  
talk to the media with a straight face either. Since it would be my 15 minutes of fame id make all the stupid puns i could think of.

"Butts left a streak down the road as we pursued her"
  by: RyanB     06/12/2007 03:11 AM     
  She doesn't even work there?!  
And she probably doesn't _need_ to steal TP. Sounds like she has serious problems. Kleptomaniac maybe?
  by: wildstoo   06/12/2007 11:53 AM     
  I think she just needs therapy  
Maybe 3 days of her 3 year sentence and send her home, we wouldn’t want her to have an anxiety attack would we? I mean, after all, isn’t everyone treated equally under the law? <kick, jab, elbow, LOL> Can you say, “Bu!! Sh!t”? I knew you could. At least there was very little chance she would kill someone with TP.
  by: Valkyrie123     06/12/2007 02:21 PM     
Probably, it seems more like she wanted to get caught. But that's a pretty random way to go about it...
  by: Svengali   06/12/2007 02:21 PM     
lmao, this is good. if you have to get cought staeling, why tp, especially with a name like that
  by: ganjaman22     06/12/2007 02:42 PM     
  when i'm low on TP  
I stop by fast food resturaunts and steal theirs. I also buy a dollar menu item or something so I consider myself just an excessive user of their complementry TP. I dunno why I do it. I can afford TP. Its just easier then going to the store.
  by: Tetsuru Uzuki     06/13/2007 12:44 AM     
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